We were in the kitchen when he outed me.

It was innocent enough.
I complained about having to eat peanut butter crackers for breakfast. In my grogginess I forgot to throw my Nutrigrain bar in my purse.
He was making coffee.

“So… I hope I’m not being too intrusive… but I saw that you had a lupus sticker on your car. Do you know someone with lupus?”

Oh snap.
I knew putting that huge lupus magnet on the back of my car would come back to bite me in the butt. 
And yeah he was intrusive, but how could he have known that I wasn’t ready for anyone at work to know I had lupus, nevertheless have a full-fledged conversation about it? I couldn’t lie about it. How lame would it be for me to lie, then down the line reveal that yes, I do indeed have lupus.

o_O.

Not a good look.  So I told him I was the one who had lupus and I felt so uncomfortable.
And I could tell the tension that was created in those few short moments made him uncomfortable too.
I can’t imagine what my face looked like as I quickly explained why I didn’t really want him or anyone else at work to know.  
I mean, not only am I the undercover pill popper, now I’m the girl with a secret too.
I feel like a baby admitting this now, but I was on the verge of tears.

I went to the bathroom and called my Mom, which to be honest didn’t make me feel better. My mom has never been the coddling type.
She’s more of the get over it and pick yourself up by your boot straps type of gal. Good for some things, but not at that moment. So her response was typical.

“Well… it’s over now. It’s out there. They can’t fire you because you have lupus.” Well, I knew that Mom. Thanks… 

My husband was able to calm me down. He’s a keeper, and I was finally in the state of mind to grasp my mother’s words. It’s out now. Now what?

Yes, now what?