Last month my husband and I did an in-home taping on lupus for Lifetime Television’s morning show The Balancing Act! I, another lupus warrior and a doctor will be included in the segment. Not many people know this, but I was completely frazzled that day. I was working from home and planned to be ready by 11 a.m., but the time the producer and crew were to arrive was moved up to 10:45. Then at 10:15, with both me and Antione in pajamas and me in a satin bonnet, the doorbell rings!
Surely this isn’t them… and yes it was. Antione answered the door while I threw on my clothes, undid my twists and did a decent 10-minute makeup face for the camera. I was in no way ready, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself it wasn’t about me and I was a professional. Still the feeling of the taping not being quite right sat with me for the next hour or so while they were here. My husband Antione was a natural though!
All it took was a joking comment that he did better than me and thoughts of my first time on national television being a bust came to mind. And here I am tonight, with less than 8 hours before it premieres, not enjoying this monumental moment for lupus advocacy and the lupus community.
I’ve got to stop this. I’ve always struggled with enjoying the moment for as long as I can remember. I allow myself to celebrate a little, then it’s on to the next one. Instead of being psyched, anxiety has kicked in the door and showed up like “tada!”. I think about all the expectations of my fellow lupus warriors and what it means. The announcement about the segment was shared on Facebook nearly 140 times and counting!
I guess it’s normal to feel some anxiety before seeing yourself on national television. But the thoughts of being a bust clouds any joy or excitement I should have.
I think it’s the fear of not having control. Anybody who knows me knows if I had my way I would’ve been in the editing room putting this segment together. Trusting someone, know matter how experienced, with your image and something as important as advocacy is nerve racking.
After a text with my husband, I’m finally starting to settle with the fact that I did the best I could do. And I need to be grateful for another opportunity to spread lupus awareness. Instead of dread I will learn to celebrate the opportunities because I know I’m suppose to live AND enjoy my purpose.
You are brave. Not too many people would be comfortable in front of the camera. You are right to speak up about Lupus. Like most of us you don’t look sick. Even our doctors are fooled by how “normal” we appear. Our disease and our symptoms are real and they greatly affect our lives and our relationships. Thanks for speaking up. May God Bless!
Thank you Christina and thanks so much for reading!
hey i have attended the Black health matters in Harlem on February, 2018. I have enjoyed listening to you about the facts about lupus disease, ti was very helpful information, However, i have a closed friend who have full blown Lupus and currently she is in the hospital right now. Is it possible that you can give me helpful tips or information for her condition?
Yvette,
I’m sorry for the long delay. Life has been a little hectic on my side. That’s how crazy life with lupus can get. By now I hope you found the information you needed for your friend, but the Lupus Research Alliance and the Lupus Foundation of America’s websites are good resources. Thanks for being such a good friend to our Lupus Sista!